SO WHAT WILL IT BE?

Hello and welcome to another episode of Carnivore tortuuurrrreee!... I’m your suspicious host, Factory Farmer, and let’s meet our hungry contestants - the unsuspecting public.

:: HOW TO RIG AN ELECTION.

:: A SEAL WALKED INTO A CLUB

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS

MUPPET?

The NYPD today issued a warrant for the arrest of former Sesame Street gay icon ‘Bert’.

HE AIN’T NO DIFFERENT FROM YOU

Who hasn't crashed their car with their wife chasing them swinging a golf club? Or some shit like that? Guilty.

Welcome to the new fucmonline...that’s www.fucmonline.com.

fucm, fresh underground culture magazine, fukm, fcum, fucm.

fucmonline, fucm online, fucmmedia, fucm media, fucmmobi,

fucm.mobi, fucm mobile, fucm archives, lazy-ass, lazy ass,

lazy-ass mofo, mofo, guide, Melbourne, Lazy-Ass Mofo’s guide

to Melbourne, Eskimo Ice, BUGM, bam, bamfucm, bam fucm,

barry brisco, St Kilda, Fitzroy, Prahran, Yarraville, writeshitdown,

mooseknuckle, yahoo, google, eats out, restaurant guide, best

free press guide in Melbourne, flaccid news, cookin, bam & Gumpy,

trekkin, needle, thread, fucm, fuck you.

A KUNA-KIND OF KARMA

We're smack bang in the heart of smuggler's territory. Anchored 220km between the coasts of Colombia and Panama.

CREPES WITH

CARAMELIZED

BANANA

“...so anyway, the Guv was in a Latin bar one night with a feisty lil Colombian chica he’d been dating...”

Capricorn

(22 Dec - 20 Jan)

Unfortunately this will be a lean month. But it won’t last, so smile and walk with your head held high, as next month is but 31 days away.

vs

Problem is, with your head held high you won’t notice the curb...you’ll trip, fall against a wall of stale nightclubber urine, pull away and slip on a piece of shit...stay at home.

HOW TO PREPARE AND LIVE THROUGH FESTIVALS

For this, I have no remedy other than to kick the offender in the shin.

DEER TICK; THE UNLIKELY SAVIOURS OF LIVE MUSIC

Because sometimes, just sometimes, it is okay to rock out with your cock out.

HOW TO PREPARE AND LIVE THROUGH FESTIVALS

For this, I have no remedy other than to kick the offender in the shin.

AVATAR

Any film that can make a 10-foot-tall Azure blue, zebra striped, ultra-Amazonian woman with a tail look hot has got to be a masterpiece. Avatar is just that... visually anyway

Dear Agony Aunt,

I have this thing for midgets... Am I a hypocrite for not wanting to marry a midget even though I find them sexually arousing?

Signed, Midget Luster...